here
hi,
i don’t know you, but i read your post and thought i should tell you about my experience learning to live a life without alcohol or drugs. i have been sober for 43 days. it was not my choice to go into treatment. i had an intervention. i was so mad about it. i was managing my life just fine, i thought. i had a great job i loved, owned a home, and had friends etc. nothing bad had happened (…..yet), why was i being made to go to rehab?? after kicking and screaming for a day or two, i submitted to the idea. a huge sense of relief came over me. i met many others who were very similar to me through the rehab program and AA meetings. it was scary at first, but the more days that passed, the further my old life seemed, and the better my new sober life became.
i have freedom now like i never did when i was drinking and using. it feels like swimming without carrying around a bunch of cinderblocks. now i wake up and do not feel the need to dull my emotions. i used to have a lot of emotional emptiness. now i have a new purpose. acceptance of life on life’s terms. smashing of the ego-driven, fear-based thought patterns that used to dominate my head. it is a daily practice of humility, acceptance, and gratitude. letting go of resentments, as well as toxic emotions and conflict.
and bottom line, sobriety is fun. the people i have met in this short time are amazingly warm and comforting. i actually look forward to going to AA meetings. this from a person who used to think living without drinking or using had no point. i wish you the best! if you want to know more or have any questions, my contact info is on my tumblr.
-amanda
This has been an interesting weekend overall, and I leave it behind thinking that maybe I’m even the slightest bit ahead of where I was at on Friday.
I’m currently doing some painful reading - a back-and-forth volley between trying to figure out Ruby-on-Rails and trying to figure out what is important about Mashable.com. I’m sure sustained reading of either one would dangerously reduce my will to live. Also, the Rails research led me to a click-fest on Wikipedia of many topics related to software engineering, with all the posted entries invariably being either too dense or too bleak. (Did you know that we’re losing programming jobs in this country overall? Did you know that a fired H1-B worker has 10 days or less to leave the country?) Again, I’d like to focus as much as possible on being a good businessperson, because coders are fucked in the long-term.
I think the only thing I regret about this weekend is that I missed Sara’s BBQ today. I would have liked that. Other obligations persisted.
A couple of people terribly disappointed me this weekend. But I have many good friends, and I think about that more often now. In recent times, they have come through for me in small ways. I recognize and appreciate that.
I know there’s going to be eye-rolling and groaning and loud heckles for saying this, but: I need to stop drinking alcohol. Completely. Though I’ll be fine for the short term (I’m not completely fucked or anything), I drink a LOT and it’s progressively ruining my health and my mind. I really can’t bring myself to cut it out, I can’t last a week without a long bender. Like, seriously, help. Reblog or send a Facebook message if you have useful advice on how and why I should quit. I ask because people who have experience dealing with addiction recovery might have more solid advice than my oft-disregarded idea of, “Just try not to drink so much.”
I keep getting that numb feeling in my head when I try to think what else I need to get done… I sometimes feel like not enough of the puzzle pieces fit together. I keep looking at the broken system and wondering how anyone lives nowadays. I know I’m spoiled, I go nuts when I’m barely inconvenienced. Yet I am worried for other people. I’m a person who makes “luck” happen even in the shittiest of situations, but someday people are going to rely on me for a lot more than dirty jokes, my life isn’t going to be all about me, and when that happens there better be a sustainable lifestyle, culture and cash flow backing that up. I don’t care what “trends” are out there, I am and will continue to be uncompromising when it comes to being dependable for others. If you think I have no patience for bullshit now, wait and see.
Finally, from out of nowhere, I’d like to start a daily morning jogging group on the Lower East Side. Meet at 6:45, run over the bridge and back. I have no idea if stating that here will cause any effect, but stranger things have happened.
